Parents can not be perfect----

     Let's face it- we all have things we've done as parents that we regret.  There are times we question our interactions with our children and wonder whether we are dong anything right.  Often, we have high expectations for our children, our family and ourselves.  We tend to "beat ourselves up," when things aren't going the way we want. 
     Children are each born with their own personality traits.  I believe our job as parents is to help them develop their own traits and personality in a way that will benefit themselves and the people around them.  Some traits can be more positive than others.  Often, negative traits can be channeled into actions that can have positive results.  For example, a stubborn child can learn to use that trait to complete hard tasks and not give up.  A child's temper can be turned into a passion to change wrongs in the world. 
     None of us are perfect; child nor parent.  We have to be aware of that fact daily as we interact with each other.  When we make a mistake, we must first admit it and give a heartfelt apology.  We can then try to change the action that is wrong and model this to our children.  For example, we may let our emotions get out of control when dealing with a defiant child.  If we respond by escalating the conflict and using behavior and words that we later regret, we need to acknowledge that we were wrong.  If we apologize, but keep making the same mistake over again, our children will see our words as meaningless.
     I'm not saying that we should give in to a child that is behaving badly.  We need to set clear expectations with consequences if the child misbehaves.  But when we deal with a defiant child, we need to remain calm, objective and loving as we deal with the behavior.  Children also need to know that we love them unconditionally. 
     I also think we should choose our battles carefully.  Sometimes we parents can be stubborn on issues that really don't matter in the long run.  Think about whether the behavior is harmful to the child or others.  Sometimes, communicating with the child to find ways to address the issue can be helpful.  We may find that the behavior is really connected to something else that we were totally unaware of. 
     Finally, parents should not carry guilt over mistakes made.  Like we tell our children, " you can not change the past."  You should focus on how you want to behave or what you want to achieve now.