When driving with a carload of kids to a 4-H event this week, one teenager said, " I feel like all my Dad does is criticize me." We were having a discussion about getting ready for county public presentations. My first thought was, " Oh no!" " My kids probably often feel the same way." Sometimes when trying to help our children, we often forget about the right way to offer constructive criticism.
First we should make sure that the timing is right. Criticizing a child when they just lost an important game may not be the right time. There are times for criticism and times for building up. Then we should plan our thoughts and comments before we gete into a discussion with the child.
Before offering the constructive criticism we need to focus on and state some positives. This is the time to let the child know what they are doing well. Then we can offer the criticism, while being sure to focus on a behavior, not the person.
Any suggestions should be clear, concise and presented in a way the child is sure to understand. You want to be sure to use a kind voice and mannerisms that are not threatening. After you have stated the suggested improvement, you need to reemphasize the positives.
Finally, we need to form a partnership with the child in order to solve the problem or correct mistakes. We might ask, " What do you think?" " How might you do things differently next time?"
Our suggestions will be much more effective if the child takes responsibility and ownership regarding the improvements.
All parents, including myself, can get caught up in criticizing our children in ways that are not effective. We think we are helping them, when we are only hurting their self-esteem and possibly discouraging them. In the future, I am going to try to remember to use effective steps to positve criticism.
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