Teaching kids to NOT become victims----

     I have not written a piece in some time, however the news in our community about bullying in our school has been on my mind.  Of course I totally agree with Budd Dorr, Board of Education president, that we need to teach our children to be kind and respectful towards all those around them.  I also commend our school for beginning to try and address the issue of bullying since the events in Newtown CT so closely affected some families in our community.  I know that our school is working on creating a safe and respectful environment.  However, I also recognize that we will never totally eliminate bullying and that when our children go out into the world, they will still face issues of bullying in the workplace, college etc.

      The more I read about the issues of bullying as well as children who are victims of bullying, it appears kids on both sides of the issue usually have problems with social skills.  The bully may be a child who is not able to initiate friendly interactions with other kids.  They may have low self esteem and try to build themselves up by picking on vulnerable peers. Bullies can usually be identified with observation of their interactions.  Teachers ( as well as parents etc) can be trained to spot kids who are bullying or beginning to show tendencies towards bullying. 

     I have personally witnessed staff in our elementary school addressing the problem of a child who was beginning to exhibit bullying behaviors.  First, the teacher took notice that this particular child was becoming a "ring leader" and targeting others with mean actions.  That teacher addressed the issue head-on by alerting the parent of the problem, and following up with administrative and counseling staff at our school. The child was placed in a group which is being taught social skills, including being respectful and kind, in order to eliminate the bullying behavior.  The situation was being addressed and continually monitored.  The teachers, staff and administration were working as a team with communication regarding progress.

     On the other side of the issue is teaching kids not to become targets of bullying or how to handle it when it occurs.  I also think children who are more likely to become victims, can be identified as well.  They can be taught social skills like how to stand up for themselves; ways to walk and even talk to others; ways to handle bullying etc.  These kids will not learn these skills easily. Lots of practice that involves role-playing will be necessary.  

     We really need to create children who are not afraid to stand up for themselves, rather than depending upon the approval of others.  Too often, kids won't speak up when they feel insecure.  For example, words can be extremely hurtful.  But if the victim doesn't know how to voice his/her discomfort, the problem won't be addressed. There are even times that others don't even realize they have hurled hurtful words.  We have to teach kids to feel confident enough to express their feelings. They have to know how to set boundaries and say no.  

     There is so much more information on addressing bullying.  I challenge all of us, school staff, parents, community members etc to continue to address bullying and learn what  actions we can take to eliminate it.  I also personally challenge each of us to take the time to be involved in our childrens' lives.  I also encourage people that if you see a child who is likely to be a victim of bullying, take time to give that child a place where his voice can be heard. If you witness bullying, step in and then follow up to change the behavior.  By addressing social skills needed by our young people, we will help them to succeed throughout life.