Our youngest is spending her first full week away from home at a summer camp. Needless to say, this kind of experience can be hard on both the child and the parent/s. Whether you are sending your child to his first year of school, camp or even away to college, there are things that you can do to make this transition easier.
Set a pattern of being confident about goodbyes beginning with toddlerhood. When you have to leave your child, be confident about leaving. Act as if it's no big deal. Do not act upset in front of the child. I realize many a mom will be teary after dropping their freshman off at their college dorm. Save the tears for the car ride home.
Never sneak out in a goodbye situation. This will only scare the child and make her more insecure with the situation. Be clear about when you are leaving and when you plan to return.
Provide age appropriate experiences over the years for your child. Overnights can begin at Grandma's and progress to trips out of town with non relatives or youth organizations. Our kids have traveled to summer camps and even out of state with 4-H.
Before a planned seperation, make sure your child knows that you love them. Let them know you are proud of them and excited for their new adventure. Spend time with them planning for the upcoming event. Guide them to prepare. This may mean helping them to shop and pack for the event. Involve them in the preparation. Don't do it for them.
Finally, you can make the transition easier by providing a surprise for them. This could be a note in their school lunchbox or a care package sent to their college dorm. However, be careful of hovering. With today's technology, it may be easy to remain too involved by daily texting or emailing. Use judgement and let them know you are available when they need to talk.
I received a short note from our daughter in the mail today. Yes- I provided her with an addressed stamped envelope. It began with, "Yes Mom, I am still alive." The brevity of the text leads me to believe that she was in a hurry to continue her fun! I guess I'll have to wait to find out what she did all week. Isn't that part of parenthood--- learning to let go?
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
Helping teens develop a sense of purpose.
The headlines in our paper and talk throughout our rual town has been about the recent rash of burgularies inlcuding dozens of reports of breakins, thefts and vandalism. Even the skate park, which should have been appreciated enough to avoid damage has had to be closed because of vandalism. These events make me think that maybe the youth in our area do not have enough of a sense of purpose. Sense of purpose? How does that relate? I see numerous kids hanging out with too little to do on a daily basis. They have no clear purpose in their everyday lives.
William Damone, professor at Stanford University did research (in 2008) on young adults/teens and their sense of purpose. He found the about 25% of the youth were what he called "disengaged." They are living only for the here and now. They are out for a "good time" and not considering any longterm consequences.
He labeled another 25% as "dreamers." These are the youth who have unrealistic goals and expectations for their life. They may think that they are going to have a profession like movie producer, rock star, sports hero. I am not saying these goals are not attainable. A young man comes to mind who is from Waterville and is a movie producer. What makes him different from the dreamers is that both he and his parents had goals along with hard work meant to achieve his dreams.
Then there were the 30% that William Damone called "dabblers." These were the young adults who try everything, but commit to nothing. These people drift from one focus to another leaving no time to attain any goals.
Finally, only about 20% of the youth interviewed were labeled as "engaged" with a sense of purpose. Research has shown that people's happiness is at its peak when they are pursueing goals that interest, compel and challenge them. It's also important that people feel that they are doing something that matters and will make a contribution to life.
What can we do as parents? I think all of us have to help our children, especially teens to find their own path to purpose in life. We need to continually keep the communication going about both short and long term goals. This may be as simple as, "What are you going to spend your time doing this summer?" "Do you want to get a job, volunteer or work on your soccer skills?" " Are you saving up for a car?" Discuss how short term goals can lead to achieving their long term goals like college or a career. Too much idle time is good for no one. We all need that sense of purpose in our life no matter what stage we are at in our lives.
William Damone, professor at Stanford University did research (in 2008) on young adults/teens and their sense of purpose. He found the about 25% of the youth were what he called "disengaged." They are living only for the here and now. They are out for a "good time" and not considering any longterm consequences.
He labeled another 25% as "dreamers." These are the youth who have unrealistic goals and expectations for their life. They may think that they are going to have a profession like movie producer, rock star, sports hero. I am not saying these goals are not attainable. A young man comes to mind who is from Waterville and is a movie producer. What makes him different from the dreamers is that both he and his parents had goals along with hard work meant to achieve his dreams.
Then there were the 30% that William Damone called "dabblers." These were the young adults who try everything, but commit to nothing. These people drift from one focus to another leaving no time to attain any goals.
Finally, only about 20% of the youth interviewed were labeled as "engaged" with a sense of purpose. Research has shown that people's happiness is at its peak when they are pursueing goals that interest, compel and challenge them. It's also important that people feel that they are doing something that matters and will make a contribution to life.
What can we do as parents? I think all of us have to help our children, especially teens to find their own path to purpose in life. We need to continually keep the communication going about both short and long term goals. This may be as simple as, "What are you going to spend your time doing this summer?" "Do you want to get a job, volunteer or work on your soccer skills?" " Are you saving up for a car?" Discuss how short term goals can lead to achieving their long term goals like college or a career. Too much idle time is good for no one. We all need that sense of purpose in our life no matter what stage we are at in our lives.
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