I'm taking a break from talking children and finances because spring sports season is upon us. At the first AYSO soccer meeting with the coach, I found myself thinking about what kind of parent I want to be. I thought about the fact that most youth sports coaches are volunteers who give a lot of their time for our childrens' benefit.
I also looked up some statistics. Less than 200,000 youth out of a total of about 75 million will ever get a college scholarship for sports. I think the ultimate reason our children are involved in sports is really to help them prepare for life. Youths' values are greatly influenced by the values that are conveyed through their participation in sports.
There is a really good report called "Sports Done Right" published by the University of Maine. When talking about the sports parent's job they stress that it is to "create and support an environment that will lead to positive experiences for their children." There are 7 supporting ideas that I wish to summarize in my own words.
1. Parents should give consistant support and encouragement no matter what degree of success the team achieves, what skill level their child is at or how much playing time their child gets.
2. Parents need to teach and model respect for coaches, officials and opposing teams at all times.
3. Parents should attend meetings with coaches to learn expectations for both the team members and themselves.
4. Parents should always be positive role models and behave with dignity.
5. Parents should agree to follow the school or sport's organization's guidelines.
6. Parents need to help their children achieve balance between numerous sports and other activities remembering that academics should always come first.
And finally, number 7. Parents must leave coaching to the coaches. They should not criticize the coach or put undue pressure on the kids.
Sports are preparing our children to become leaders of tomorrow. I'm going to leave you with one more statistic to consider. Seventy-two percent of youth surveyed would rather play for a team with a losing record than to sit on the bench. As parents we really need to keep in mind that sports are really supposed to be for our kids.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Teens and Money
U.S. teenagers spend an average of $85/week. Eighty-six percent of teens get their money from their parents on an as needed basis. Yet most teens are poorly prepared to really manage their money. How can parents do a better job preparing our teenagers to become financially successful as adults?
I believe that all older children should have a savings account at a local bank. They should have a set portion of any money given to them or earned, earmarked automatically for their savings. This should be an account that will later be used for significant purchases like a car or college tuition.
Again, goal setting is crucial for your teen to learn money management. Every teen should have worked with their parent on making a budget. This would include income such as a set weekly allowance, gifts or money earned. Then the teen should list all weekly expenses. These can include school lunches, entertainment, clothes purchases, cell phones etc. If a teen is driving, then they should have a clear picture of their insurance, vehicle maintenance and gas costs. "Needs" should be identified seperately from their "wants." There are good budget worksheets for teens at many money management websites.
I think the question of whether parents should provide their teens with spending money, the teen should earn their money or the teens money is obtained both ways is completely up to the family to decide. However, I think that parents do teens no favor by providing an endless amount of money on an as needed basis. It is better to have a family discussion over the teens budget and then determine a set amount of money that the parents can provide on a weekly or monthly basis. Then parents need to adhere to their agreement. If the teen runs out of money a few times, he will better learn to manage spending.
Before teens go shopping, they should learn to make a shopping list. They should recognize the difference between shopping for a need and what I call recreational or impulse buying. Teens should learn about shopping options like waiting for sales, using coupons or shopping upscale consignment shops. When shopping on line they can obtain free shipping or sales codes. Teens should also understand the additional cost of sales tax.
There is so much more that teens need to learn about good money management. Next time, I will discuss teens using checking accounts, ATMs, debit or credit cards. At some point, I will also discuss teens earning their own money. I believe that we can all do a better job at preparing our teens for financial success in adulthood.
I believe that all older children should have a savings account at a local bank. They should have a set portion of any money given to them or earned, earmarked automatically for their savings. This should be an account that will later be used for significant purchases like a car or college tuition.
Again, goal setting is crucial for your teen to learn money management. Every teen should have worked with their parent on making a budget. This would include income such as a set weekly allowance, gifts or money earned. Then the teen should list all weekly expenses. These can include school lunches, entertainment, clothes purchases, cell phones etc. If a teen is driving, then they should have a clear picture of their insurance, vehicle maintenance and gas costs. "Needs" should be identified seperately from their "wants." There are good budget worksheets for teens at many money management websites.
I think the question of whether parents should provide their teens with spending money, the teen should earn their money or the teens money is obtained both ways is completely up to the family to decide. However, I think that parents do teens no favor by providing an endless amount of money on an as needed basis. It is better to have a family discussion over the teens budget and then determine a set amount of money that the parents can provide on a weekly or monthly basis. Then parents need to adhere to their agreement. If the teen runs out of money a few times, he will better learn to manage spending.
Before teens go shopping, they should learn to make a shopping list. They should recognize the difference between shopping for a need and what I call recreational or impulse buying. Teens should learn about shopping options like waiting for sales, using coupons or shopping upscale consignment shops. When shopping on line they can obtain free shipping or sales codes. Teens should also understand the additional cost of sales tax.
There is so much more that teens need to learn about good money management. Next time, I will discuss teens using checking accounts, ATMs, debit or credit cards. At some point, I will also discuss teens earning their own money. I believe that we can all do a better job at preparing our teens for financial success in adulthood.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Children and Money
When should children begin to learn about money? I think, "the sooner the better." Even very young children need to understand concepts about money. The first thing they must understand is where money comes from. I remember one of my young children saying, " Just go get some money from the bank." Another statement made was, " Just write a check." Children need to learn that money is usually earned through hard work. They need to understand that parents get paid for their work. They also need to know that we have to put money into the bank before we can withdraw it from an ATM or write a check.
The next step in teaching young children about money is to teach them to count and use money. This can be done by providing play money and a pretend store or restaurant. Children can also help us sort or count loose change. They can help us roll coins and add up the totals. I googled and found a lot of good internet sites that teach children about money through games.
I divide money management into three simple categories: spending or living, sharing or giving and saving. Children can learn about how our daily spending falls into these divisions. Parents need to set a good example on finding balance between these categories. They need to teach children that families can set goals, create budgets and then communicate about money with each other.
Children can be included in family decisions regarding everyday spending. Children can be given opportunities to make spending choices of their own. Teach them to comparison shop when buying items. Talk to them about value for their money. Talk to them about planned purchases before you actually go to the store.
Young children often can not visualize abstract thoughts like money in a bank account. They probably need to begin using a piggy bank to keep their own money. Parents can discuss making plans to save money for something the child wants to buy. Then they can help the child count and save in their piggy bank.
Teach children about the pitfalls of "impulse buying." Decide how you will handle the begging and whining that can occur when shopping with children. Once the pattern of rewarding this behavior begins, it just becomes harder to change at a later time. Every parent has suffered the temper tantrum that can occur in the checkout line by the shelves of candy.
There is so much that should be taught to children about money. I will continue this discussion next week regarding helping older children learn to manage money.
The next step in teaching young children about money is to teach them to count and use money. This can be done by providing play money and a pretend store or restaurant. Children can also help us sort or count loose change. They can help us roll coins and add up the totals. I googled and found a lot of good internet sites that teach children about money through games.
I divide money management into three simple categories: spending or living, sharing or giving and saving. Children can learn about how our daily spending falls into these divisions. Parents need to set a good example on finding balance between these categories. They need to teach children that families can set goals, create budgets and then communicate about money with each other.
Children can be included in family decisions regarding everyday spending. Children can be given opportunities to make spending choices of their own. Teach them to comparison shop when buying items. Talk to them about value for their money. Talk to them about planned purchases before you actually go to the store.
Young children often can not visualize abstract thoughts like money in a bank account. They probably need to begin using a piggy bank to keep their own money. Parents can discuss making plans to save money for something the child wants to buy. Then they can help the child count and save in their piggy bank.
Teach children about the pitfalls of "impulse buying." Decide how you will handle the begging and whining that can occur when shopping with children. Once the pattern of rewarding this behavior begins, it just becomes harder to change at a later time. Every parent has suffered the temper tantrum that can occur in the checkout line by the shelves of candy.
There is so much that should be taught to children about money. I will continue this discussion next week regarding helping older children learn to manage money.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Helping our Children Achieve Success
What I want to address this week is "helping our children to achieve success." I don't deem success for my own children as individual accomplishments. Instead, my own goal as a parent is to help my children aquire the skills needed to become successful over their lifetime. Their successes may be in academics, sports or career development. However, what I want most for all children, is that they are successful in their own growth and in their personal relationships.
The first thing I want to remind parents is that before children can achieve success, their basic needs must be met. This means they must get enough sleep, good nutrition and be in good health. For school success, children must have a regular bedtime and eat breakfast before school. Keeping a regular routine also helps a child be prepared to learn at school.
After parents and their children prioritize and set goals, children need motivation to achieve. This motivation should come from both inside the child and from external encouragement. Remember that goals should not be set through comparisons to siblings or schoolmates. Instead, a child's goals should be to show learning, growth and improvement in that particular skill over a time period.
A child needs to learn that failure is acceptable. Most people can not be perfect at anything on their first try. Children who are perfectionists, may be the most afraid to try new skills. Parents need to convey unconditional love and acceptance. We also need to help the child set realistic expectations that are neither too high or too low. Children need to know that failure is a part of life and an opportunity to learn from our mistakes.
Finally, children who aquire the abilities to work hard, persevere and practice may end up being more successful than others who are actually more gifted. In addition, the skills of prioritizing, being organized and using time management will also play a role in your child's success. Children must also be able to take direction, listen to constructive criticism and not be afraid to ask for help.
Remember, our job as parents isn't to help our children bring home the best report card in school or to accumulate trophies. Instead, we should be preparing our children to grow, learn and better themselves over their own lifetime. It's then, that we have really taught our children to achieve success.
The first thing I want to remind parents is that before children can achieve success, their basic needs must be met. This means they must get enough sleep, good nutrition and be in good health. For school success, children must have a regular bedtime and eat breakfast before school. Keeping a regular routine also helps a child be prepared to learn at school.
After parents and their children prioritize and set goals, children need motivation to achieve. This motivation should come from both inside the child and from external encouragement. Remember that goals should not be set through comparisons to siblings or schoolmates. Instead, a child's goals should be to show learning, growth and improvement in that particular skill over a time period.
A child needs to learn that failure is acceptable. Most people can not be perfect at anything on their first try. Children who are perfectionists, may be the most afraid to try new skills. Parents need to convey unconditional love and acceptance. We also need to help the child set realistic expectations that are neither too high or too low. Children need to know that failure is a part of life and an opportunity to learn from our mistakes.
Finally, children who aquire the abilities to work hard, persevere and practice may end up being more successful than others who are actually more gifted. In addition, the skills of prioritizing, being organized and using time management will also play a role in your child's success. Children must also be able to take direction, listen to constructive criticism and not be afraid to ask for help.
Remember, our job as parents isn't to help our children bring home the best report card in school or to accumulate trophies. Instead, we should be preparing our children to grow, learn and better themselves over their own lifetime. It's then, that we have really taught our children to achieve success.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Helping Children to Find their Strengths
I spent the day yesterday at the 4-H Regional Dairy Bowl Contest and the kids truly amazed me. However, I realized that dairy bowl ( a jeopardy like contest with buzzers is not for every kid). Every parent should be helping their own children find and develop their own particular strengths.
Foremost, we must realize that every child is very different. Beginning with little children, parents need to watch their children while participating in creative play. Parents need to look for their own child's unique qualities. What sets the child apart from others?
As children grow and develop, we need to expose them to varied experiences. Then we need to note what activities keep their attention and interest. Younger children should be trying a wide range of activities. As they grow older, they can narrow these down to what really interests them.
We need to communicate with the child about their experiences. Parents need to listen without judgement. Too much praise or criticism can lead the child to not be totally open with us. Ask them to evaluate and reflect. A parent may respond, "I hear you saying that soccer no longer interests you." " Can you tell me why?" Never, compare your child to siblings.
When a child discovers his strengths and interests, he will likely develop a passion for particular activities. Next week I will discuss how to help your child be successful in his chosen endeavors.
Foremost, we must realize that every child is very different. Beginning with little children, parents need to watch their children while participating in creative play. Parents need to look for their own child's unique qualities. What sets the child apart from others?
As children grow and develop, we need to expose them to varied experiences. Then we need to note what activities keep their attention and interest. Younger children should be trying a wide range of activities. As they grow older, they can narrow these down to what really interests them.
We need to communicate with the child about their experiences. Parents need to listen without judgement. Too much praise or criticism can lead the child to not be totally open with us. Ask them to evaluate and reflect. A parent may respond, "I hear you saying that soccer no longer interests you." " Can you tell me why?" Never, compare your child to siblings.
When a child discovers his strengths and interests, he will likely develop a passion for particular activities. Next week I will discuss how to help your child be successful in his chosen endeavors.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Finding Balance
One of my biggest struggles as a parent is to find balance in my life as well as helping our children to do the same. This past week my husband and I were actually out for two different evenings. This was the first time in almost a year that we had been at an activity without children. This made me realize that my own life has gotten out of balance.
I discovered a great tool, "The Wheel of Life" that can be used to evaluate the balance in our lives. To use this, you draw a circle and make an even number of segments. Then label each segment with areas of your life. Labels may include things like: health/fitness; family/friends; money/career; partner/marriage; spirituality; fun/relaxation; community service; environment ( house/lawn); or growth and learning. Next you draw a grid of circles inside the wheel in order to rate your satisfaction in each area. Least satisfaction being closest to the center and more satisfaction towards the outside of the wheel. When you shade these areas in, you can see what areas you may be neglecting. On the other hand, you might also be putting too much time and energy into some areas.
An unbalanced life can lead to frustration and stress. Your energy and enthusiasm can be sapped. This can be true for your children as well. Are your children spending too much time playing sports? Maybe at the other extreme, they have too much leisure time that they're spending in front of the TV or computer. Possibly, they don't have enough family time.
How do you remedy this for yourself or your family? You evaluate what you are currently doing and then set goals for what areas you want to change. Then get organized and schedule so that you are taking time for what is important to you. However, be flexible when unexpected events arise and don't be afraid to ask for help. One example is car pooling with other parents to children's pratices. Finally don't over schedule yourself or your family.
I definately need to adjust my priorities. I realize that time spent with my children and community service has actually been pulling my own life out of balance. Hopefully, by taking my own advice, I can restructure my time, thus living a life that is more in balance.
I discovered a great tool, "The Wheel of Life" that can be used to evaluate the balance in our lives. To use this, you draw a circle and make an even number of segments. Then label each segment with areas of your life. Labels may include things like: health/fitness; family/friends; money/career; partner/marriage; spirituality; fun/relaxation; community service; environment ( house/lawn); or growth and learning. Next you draw a grid of circles inside the wheel in order to rate your satisfaction in each area. Least satisfaction being closest to the center and more satisfaction towards the outside of the wheel. When you shade these areas in, you can see what areas you may be neglecting. On the other hand, you might also be putting too much time and energy into some areas.
An unbalanced life can lead to frustration and stress. Your energy and enthusiasm can be sapped. This can be true for your children as well. Are your children spending too much time playing sports? Maybe at the other extreme, they have too much leisure time that they're spending in front of the TV or computer. Possibly, they don't have enough family time.
How do you remedy this for yourself or your family? You evaluate what you are currently doing and then set goals for what areas you want to change. Then get organized and schedule so that you are taking time for what is important to you. However, be flexible when unexpected events arise and don't be afraid to ask for help. One example is car pooling with other parents to children's pratices. Finally don't over schedule yourself or your family.
I definately need to adjust my priorities. I realize that time spent with my children and community service has actually been pulling my own life out of balance. Hopefully, by taking my own advice, I can restructure my time, thus living a life that is more in balance.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Constructive rather than Destructive Criticism
When driving with a carload of kids to a 4-H event this week, one teenager said, " I feel like all my Dad does is criticize me." We were having a discussion about getting ready for county public presentations. My first thought was, " Oh no!" " My kids probably often feel the same way." Sometimes when trying to help our children, we often forget about the right way to offer constructive criticism.
First we should make sure that the timing is right. Criticizing a child when they just lost an important game may not be the right time. There are times for criticism and times for building up. Then we should plan our thoughts and comments before we gete into a discussion with the child.
Before offering the constructive criticism we need to focus on and state some positives. This is the time to let the child know what they are doing well. Then we can offer the criticism, while being sure to focus on a behavior, not the person.
Any suggestions should be clear, concise and presented in a way the child is sure to understand. You want to be sure to use a kind voice and mannerisms that are not threatening. After you have stated the suggested improvement, you need to reemphasize the positives.
Finally, we need to form a partnership with the child in order to solve the problem or correct mistakes. We might ask, " What do you think?" " How might you do things differently next time?"
Our suggestions will be much more effective if the child takes responsibility and ownership regarding the improvements.
All parents, including myself, can get caught up in criticizing our children in ways that are not effective. We think we are helping them, when we are only hurting their self-esteem and possibly discouraging them. In the future, I am going to try to remember to use effective steps to positve criticism.
First we should make sure that the timing is right. Criticizing a child when they just lost an important game may not be the right time. There are times for criticism and times for building up. Then we should plan our thoughts and comments before we gete into a discussion with the child.
Before offering the constructive criticism we need to focus on and state some positives. This is the time to let the child know what they are doing well. Then we can offer the criticism, while being sure to focus on a behavior, not the person.
Any suggestions should be clear, concise and presented in a way the child is sure to understand. You want to be sure to use a kind voice and mannerisms that are not threatening. After you have stated the suggested improvement, you need to reemphasize the positives.
Finally, we need to form a partnership with the child in order to solve the problem or correct mistakes. We might ask, " What do you think?" " How might you do things differently next time?"
Our suggestions will be much more effective if the child takes responsibility and ownership regarding the improvements.
All parents, including myself, can get caught up in criticizing our children in ways that are not effective. We think we are helping them, when we are only hurting their self-esteem and possibly discouraging them. In the future, I am going to try to remember to use effective steps to positve criticism.
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